Dave Dobbler's World of Gay

coming clean, for once

2005-03-10T04:40:00.000-08:00

i admit it.

i have linked to The Bangalore Bosun on more than one occasion

never again

Rosy Cruickshank

2005-01-20T16:12:00.000-08:00

James Mason, Jackie Mason and Nick Mason.

What do they have in common?

They all belong to a secret society.

It's ancient, mysterious and rumoured to have a strong influence on world affairs

Got it?

That's right.

They are all card-carrying members of the Friends of Bosun

slip, slop, slap of the tongue

2005-01-12T01:00:00.000-08:00

'You were tossing and turning all night'

-yeah, i think i had some weird dreams. Sorry if i kept you up.

'You kept putting my hand over your cock, which was fine for a while but every time i wanted to move you'd grab my wrist and put it right back'

-sorry. i don't know what i was thinking. i don't really remember my dream or why i was doing that'

'And you kept calling me "Bosun".' '

-um.....

'Who is she, Dave? Who is she?'

An Upcoming Electron

2005-01-12T00:56:00.000-08:00

It's true. Money doesn't grow on trees

Unless you're a squirrel.

Find out the latest Euro - Acorn - Sterling exchange rates and how to do a little bit of arbourtrage, here, here and here

Banal Sex

2005-01-11T18:40:00.000-08:00

There's a lot of inventions going on over at a certain blog of note - Grist to the mill, i say. Here's mine....

A lifesize, meat-stuffed replica of my own dear arse.

Because when all's said and done, we'd all like to know what it's like to fuck ourselves*

Her's a guy who knows and has written extensively on the subject

*it would also provide excellent storage for the lifesize, meat-stuffed replica of my cock for the rare times when it's not 'on duty'

ladybird? that's a tautology, innit

2005-01-04T16:58:00.000-08:00

when i was a lad my parents told me not to pick up earwigs because they would eventually make their nests in my ear

just to be safe, i avoided cuntworms too.

for a list of other insex on the list

satan claws has come to town

2004-12-22T01:01:00.000-08:00

Bitten by a kitten, smitten
digit fidget - feckin' eejit
snug hug, face embrace
scratch or snatch? scratch or snatch?

my new philosophy

proem

2004-12-21T03:44:00.000-08:00

there's poetry and there's prose one comes flowing from out of my bum the other comes streaming from my nose then there's the in-between the unpunctuated rhyme of phrases and words in a skilled practioners hands golden in mine im afraid they're lumpy turds now get ye to bangalore because there is a man whom words were made for and never again will you darken my door except to regret that you never managed to teach me to rhyme properly or end sentenc

bottom of the plops

2004-11-29T04:15:00.000-08:00

you know you're becoming more mainstream and less sophisticated when popsongs start addressing issues in your life. it's a long slow slide from 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' to some Dido-esque simpleton dirge, via the Fast Food Rockers of course

find out which ones apply to you and yours, by filling in this simple form:

name:

age:

gender:

the amount of dick you've had, in total length end-to-end:

and posting it at the internet's premier uncaring lovesong generator

primark scream

2004-11-27T18:39:00.000-08:00

therapy is a funny thing

....for the therapist

bangalore

painal

2004-11-26T17:23:00.000-08:00

Why are orgasms so painful? im so surprised there hasnt been more written on the topic. I hear the agonies my girlfriend goes through when her friends come round to play sex. These big burly men, you'd think they'd be able to withstand the pain, but no. Oh the screams and the tears the like you would not think to hear

one guy who has got his finger on the chocolate button, is the Bangalore Bosun, the finest fuckologist this side of Kinseytown, New Mexico

brake fast !

2004-11-26T17:01:00.000-08:00

I tell you what...

that Frank Bough's a bit of alright, inn'e?

naked pictures?

yeah, we got 'em

skin?

yeah, we got 'em

the Boughcock inside another cock?

yeah, we got 'em

complain to the censor NOW

wassinnaname?

2004-11-26T16:15:00.000-08:00

What's it like having the surname "Simile"?

He knows

warner brothers in arms

2004-11-24T09:34:00.000-08:00

Tommy LiPuma or Lenny Waronker?

Which 1980's L.A session musician are you?

nippon clamps

2004-11-02T06:39:00.000-08:00

Forget America, when are the Japanese having their next 'erection'?

countdown to spunk up

blowholes barred

2004-11-01T04:16:00.000-08:00

i drive a large 4x4. it's an SUV you could say. people ask me "dave, why do you keep the bullbars on? don't you know how dangerous they are? they quite significantly increase the risk of death to kids who get struck by them, yet you live in a big city where there is no chance of needing them to rustle bulls or whatever'

let me just make this clear:

i don't hate children

'then why? then why? yes why? why why?'

because if you're driving along in your big unnecessary car and you hit a kid, you'd better make sure you kill it or you'll have witnesses. so hold onto those unnecessary bullbars.

views expressed in this column are entirely the opinion of the Bangalore Bosun and are not to be associated with Dave Dobbler, his World of Gay, or any employee thereof

old adage pension

2004-10-31T11:53:00.000-08:00

When the cows come home to roost, don't count your blessings until they're hatched

says the wise old sage of western india's harbourfront

and a well bladdered bladder

2004-10-26T16:47:00.000-07:00

I cant be the only one prepared to suffer the pain, distress and massive inconvenience of a spastic colon, just so i can tell my mates "Guess what I've got!?! A Spastic Colon!"

And I'm not

flies, damned flies and static tics

2004-10-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

Did you know it's been over 400 years since birds first discovered the secret of flight? It was only their full-scale taking-to of the sky-space that allowed the Ancient Romans to build effective roadways, such was the crowdededness of the countryside with all the beasts of the field, including those winged fuckers the birds, standing really very close to eachother indeed. It came not a moment too soon.

And thank god they did because my family made their millions from hats, first invented over 399 years ago in response to the shitbombs that rained down upon our ancestors' heads for the first time since Pterodactyls became extinct. A good 60 years before.

Did I mention that Bill Oddie told me this? No? It's not because i've been court-ordered to stop peddling that lie. It's because the Bangalore Bosun told me he'd fuck me and kill me if it didn't stop.

Oh hang on, I HAVE stopped. Shit.

someone send me a fucking flamingo will you?

2004-10-24T14:35:00.000-07:00

Special Delivery for Mr Dobbler!

Ding Dong!

I awoke to find a package left outside my door, a cardboard box with a 'Fragile' sticker on it

Imagine my joy and surprise when I opened the box to find a lovely dead puppy inside. Cute, adorable and by no means a drain on my future finances.

All courtesy of my 'beast friend' the Bangalore Bosun, via Interfauna

raiding the wank bank once more

2004-10-22T18:26:00.000-07:00

i'm going to have a wank now

i just thought you all ought to know

since it's about you

and you

and him

saudi coupe!

2004-10-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

you've got to hand it to Abu Hamza Al-Masri.

I mean, he's not going to be able to get it himself, is he now?

I love ice-lollies, me

visit more frustated wankers and mentalists in the forum for such godbothering nutters with less than or equal to no hands ...... on the Bangalore Bosun's new site

it sox dick

2004-10-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

so it's the baseball world series upon us once and again, and yet for the nth time i see that the world of American baseball, in its insular wisdom, has chosen once more to exclude other planets from competiting. Two teams from Earth will, yet again, compete in the ultimate challenge. How much longer will the american gay-rounders loving inhabitants of Plujiter, Vaturn and Spars be able to stand this blatant Earthocentric racism before they come tumbling into our atmos and fuck us all to death. And how much longer until we deserve it?

The PRECISE TIMELINE of these troubling events is detailed here

weekology

2004-10-22T08:15:00.000-07:00

it's not the first time it's been Tuesday today. It was tuesday this time last week and all reliable sources point to it being tuesday around about, in, of or thereof this time next week too. Of course, I'm lying. It's not tuesday today. tuesday was on wednesday. it's friday today. although not that friday.

but who gives a fist? The bosun's back in town and he's looking for shitting

jordan bennett, mate

2004-10-22T08:03:00.000-07:00

that Jordan, she's a bit of alright eh? Nice tits and fanny, anyway

But Katie Price? She's a fucking dog.

The Bosun doesn't agree with me at all. He prefers Jordan before she changed her name from Transjordan. But doesn't that mean he likes bloke countries that dress up in girl countries clothes?

..

WHAT decline in educational standards?

booming bust

2004-10-12T02:37:00.000-07:00

all quiet on the western frontbum maybe but back east there's nuclear testing going on. and the man at the head of the controls?

you guessed it

Dr Abdoujaparov

in other news, The Bangalore Bosun's an atomic one

viscous rumours

2004-10-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

there's a guy going round saying all sorts of things about me - he doesn't know me, he doesn't like me and he needs to be stopped. i would never do such a thing myself

aryan up the khyber

2004-09-23T04:18:00.000-07:00

just because im white doesn't mean i'm racist
but as it happens, i AM racist.

and it's the behaviour of one particular brown-skinned merchant navy guy who convinced me

pass the butter, love

2004-09-22T02:00:00.000-07:00

when was my last Tango in Paris?

I dunno, but I remember my last Fanta in Bangalore

What a jerk

2004-09-22T01:52:00.000-07:00

If you like to fantasise about death and unless you're a normal human being I'm assuming you do, then here is a sentence full of advice for you: please, please be careful you don't end up copying my Uncle Jack who had one wank about death too many...

RIP Uncle Jack, you were a terrible mother's brother and a compulsive masturbator but by all the powers of Morbor and Fuckeroo you were a damn fine Bosun

essay essay essay

2004-09-21T17:03:00.000-07:00

the most contentious Olympic event is debatably the one where you spin round with a heavy plate-shaped thing in your hand which you release at just the right moment to project it way out into the distance.

Discuss

mark ellen, i'm thinking specifically of you, you cockhead

2004-09-21T16:54:00.000-07:00

when did you last have a nice formulated turn of the 90's i recommend this album by someone you've not listened to, could be Dr John or Aimee Mann for example, it's great and you shouldn't vote conservative but do spend all of saturday perusing through the boutiques for just the right cafetiere look at the smooth lines on that nice piece of new technology you're going to buy experience?

relive it in full at the banglore fuckface, i mean, bosun of course.

grin thing

2004-09-21T16:47:00.000-07:00

did i mention you have an arseface?

I didn't?

what are you smirking for?

wipe that smile!

and go fuck a duck

Hessian Blackshirt

2004-09-21T04:18:00.000-07:00

I'm a private prison and i've only one inmate
He's an old Nazi and inspiration for New Romantics everywhere
He's bitter, sad and somewhat lonely,
imprisoned for life with no hope of redemption or parole

But enough of me and my subconscious...

down in a heil of glory

2004-09-10T06:01:00.000-07:00

Take the Test

1. Do you believe War is man's natural state?
2. Do you dream of Dictatorship?
3. Do you love your country more than your very own cock?
4. What about your husband's cock?
5. When did you last get your full feast of Fascism?
6. Would you like some more?
7. Is something, anything responsible for all the ills in the world other than yourself and your mates?
8. What is your inside leg and head size? Do you look good in black or brown?
9. When you hear the word Stormtrooper, do you first think of:
a. A misremembered Deep Purple album title?
b. Some obscene white-helmeted gayboy with lasers from closet Jew and beard-wearer George Lucas' blasphemous piece of shit the Star Wars quinquilogy?
c. The glorious fighting machine from a bygone age of solid human values and mechanical obeisance.

if you answered of any these questions correctly, the Nazis had a name for people like you.

Nazis

sign up at the Bangalore Bosun , the honorary white, for the elimination of everything ever.

What does Hard Work Make?

Connaughty connaughty

2004-09-10T05:40:00.000-07:00

Commit fungicide with wild abandon on the damp mushroomy territory of your wife with the new Bosun cream and pessary kit. Simply load the fungi-bomb down the flesh-dispenser and shake vigorously until you explode your load within. Then heat in an oven on gas mark 6 for 25 minutes, baste liberally and disinfect before sending in the fucking clowns. Available from all good branches of Bosun's and Dirtys' Connaught Creme for less than the price of a new woman most excerpts reckon

I really don't

2004-09-10T05:07:00.000-07:00

I don't know.

Bosun Selector

2004-09-10T04:57:00.000-07:00

read a fascinating piece on the Rationalism of Nationalism and the Nationalism of Rationalism at the Bangalore Institute of the Technology of Chappati Heuristics

a sensual reading

2004-09-10T04:51:00.000-07:00

Buy turn-ups for your books at the online book turn-up store, online, for all your book turn-up needs.

'Turn-ups for Books Online'

in loving mammary

2004-09-09T16:32:00.000-07:00

Mantits?

They're my second favourite kind of tits

my only fiend

2004-09-07T08:43:00.000-07:00

Suicide is not the only way out of any unbearable situation.

The Bangalore Bosun is handing out free murders. Sign up now.

all together now

2004-09-07T04:46:00.000-07:00

Leave the willy on, Doctor
Leave the willy on, do
I'll be needing it in the morning
Just before I do my poo

Leave the willy on, Doctor
Leave the willy on, yes
I'll be needing it for doing things
And I don't want to make a mess

Leave the willy on, Doctor
Take the balls if you must
Mother says they're not for me
And it's you and her that I trust

You can find the lyrics to this song here don't you know

Do I beak your interest?

2004-09-07T04:25:00.000-07:00

Build your own chicken in the comfort of your own home, then jail it, force it to do 2 periods a day, pluck it, fuck it, eat it then fuck it.

and only THEN can you come to the 'wattle it be?' party

squishy tits

2004-09-07T04:23:00.000-07:00

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Only one man knows for sure

nobsessed

2004-09-07T04:18:00.000-07:00

MEATCOCKS

gutted

2004-09-02T12:41:00.000-07:00

you like a laugh do you?

i'll BET you do

i'll bet your full of funny, pal

what's the bet when they open you up all they find is laughter and comedy.

it's VERY likely isn't it now

come here

i've got an idea

what? this knife? no, it's nothing.

come here

closer

let's have a LOOK!

that's it

mu-uch better

ssh!

don't be such a baby

it's just a stomach

i don't see any funny here.

only guts

looks like i lost my bet

go see the Bangalore Bosun

he's got the money for you.

pist?

2004-09-02T12:33:00.000-07:00

are you pist? did you drink a glass of bir? maybe youve been to the pb and had an alcohol? personally i never booze it up, i drink only for to look top cool when there's good chance of top fuck with bitch

and all because the Bosun's lady loves Bangalore

I was International Man first

2004-08-31T05:29:00.000-07:00

I make my way to the International Bar
Rickshaw man, he's good, knows the way there for sure
It's in the Latin quarter near the Centre Leisure
I tip him a sou, don't care, just for good measure

They say there's an arctic puma new on the scene
White suit, teeth and pocket chain, who else can they mean?
Yes I want a love affair, a rendezvous tonight
Some contemporary romance then I'll take that flight

Drive with me now through the rains of Luxembourg
Down to the dockyards on Rue St Petersbourg
There's a bed we can use if we pay off the Whore
It's in the bosun's cabin in Old Bangalore

according to Amazon, women are on the moon

2004-08-31T04:02:00.000-07:00

im currently reading 'Men are from Ruislip, Women are from Luxembourg' and i can honestly say it's the most fucking shit book i've read in yearses

the author claims to have worked on a merchant navy ship based in southern India.

Lies, all lies

honi soit qui mal you ponce

2004-08-31T02:53:00.000-07:00

The cynics would have you believe that there's no such thing as genuine blue blood but i can tell you, as Lord-at-Arms' Cushion-Bearer for the Royal Tampon that for 7 moon-commanded days of every calendar month for the last 150 years I have witnessed fist-hand every shade of the azurest hue bespatter and truly sop the soft fabric of the Auld Ermine pessar-sponge. For one and one half of a century I have performed this solemn and vital duty without renumeration, recognition or legal status and not once, NOT ONCE, have i ever taken the cushion-borne blood-soaked tasty-looking Ermine back to the Cuntery to suck on it.

and i've got the pictures of me not doing it hosted here as proof

Perfect for a flying Mooney Hun

2004-08-31T02:23:00.000-07:00

Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away
If you can use some exotic booze there's a bar in Bangalore

For no man

2004-08-27T06:44:00.000-07:00

I Think I'm Tom Waits

I think i'm Tom Waits
I smoke a lot of cig-a-rettes
Drink a lot of whiskey-o
Except I call it bourbon, yes

had this dame and then i didnt
sold her to a Winnebago
bought a knife and killed the moon
cried for Joe Di Maggio

drove a car into a ditch
cos it looked at me funny
ate a piece of grumble pie
goddam dog ate all my money

born and raised in Omaha
jailed and bailed in Bangalore
honeymooned in Witchita
drowned and died in your mum, the whore

what's that, buzz?

2004-08-27T06:04:00.000-07:00

'My dad went to the moon and all i got was this lousy piece of rock'

- T-shirt spotted on Neil Armstrong Jr, 1976

rightly read how wrong he was at General NASA's attack on Israel, Bangalore

spank your lucky ones

2004-08-27T05:46:00.000-07:00

Today's stars: Capricorn

It's been a perilous week for you. There is danger everywhere and that's set to continue for the next 50 years. Avoid walking on the edges of cliffs, always drive in first gear, never take a plane anywhere with a vowel in the title and above all, stay away from death machines. Also, call your uncle Jack. He's sick and will die, I guarantee it.

Don't bother with the Bangalore Bosun neither - he'll fuck you then he'll kill you

across dick

2004-08-27T04:48:00.000-07:00

My first is in B and my last is in Bosun
My next is in A and my last is in Bosun
My next is in N and my last is in Bosun
My next is in G and my last is in Bosun
My next is in A and my last is in Bosun
My next is in L and my last is in Bosun
My next is in O and my last is in Bosun
My next is in R and my last is in Bosun
My next is in E and my last is in Bosun
My next is in B and my last is in Bosun
My next is in O and my last is in Bosun
My next is in S and my last is in oh fuck it fuck off fuck it fuck off

Pooh sticks, apparently

2004-08-27T03:21:00.000-07:00

yes, I ate shit once...

SO FUCKING WHAT!

i gotta do what i gotta do to suvive. I'm looking after number one. What's good for you is bad for Dave Dobbler and i'm in the business of what's not bad for Dave Dobbler.

so if I have to eat one lousy shit to get by then i eat one lousy shit. Jeez, you'd think my reputation would be composed of more than just a single, misjudged 15 minutes spent in a 6-star restaurant in Bangalore

A Marathon Session

2004-08-27T03:11:00.000-07:00

Go on, admit it. When you saw Paula Radcliffe break down in hot, salty tears after running 22 miles without success, your hands travelled in a southerly direction stopping just below the midriff and grabbed onto whatever was available. I bet you shedded some hot, milky tears that night. You dirty wanker.

What will god do to you?

Find out here

Overheard at Evensong

2004-08-27T02:58:00.000-07:00

I never fucked that Zombie. I swear it guy, I never fucked her. The closest I gots was a bit of oral and that weren't finished neither. She was up for it, oh yeah, she was up for it alright. But there was no fucking way what with her still-alive husband and his bruvvers fucking chasing me round the island with a macrame or whatever. Sorry guv, that's my story and i'm sticking to it. Yeah, milk and two, please, milk and two.

The Bangalore Bosun

Hop, trip and dump

2004-08-27T02:49:00.000-07:00

(shhhhhhhhh-whuPP....buppa-doo)

'Smoke and Love, Soma twins and noodles noir
Take back the cigarettes in the dark cafe bar'

(shhhhhhhhh-whuPP....buppa-doo doo doo BUP)

Ah yes, I remember Trip Hop. Unfortunately.

For more purely written representations of downtempo mid 90's fad-music, go to Bombay and turn left

I can't 'handle' it no more

2004-08-27T02:44:00.000-07:00

Your wife's got no cock?

How the bloody hell are you going to cope?

How will you feed the kids?

Goodness gracious god, shut up shut up, I can't bear to hear any more tales of disgusting mutancy in your life. That's a week of wanks ruined already. I better get them all over with today.

For help with this terrible affliction I suggest you contact sexy therapist and high-powered divorce lawyer, General Tommy Franks

women - can't beat 'em.... these days

2004-08-26T23:37:00.000-07:00

join the support group for husbands dumbstruck in the face of feminine domestic irrationality at the last place left on earth where you can actually say something without fear of ball-icking reprisals - The Bangalore Bosun, 12 steps of pure manly sorrow

practice makes ferpect

2004-08-26T02:00:00.000-07:00

im copying all my jokes from The Bangalore Bosun - the Cunt of Funny

coming soon to an email near you

2004-08-25T11:27:00.000-07:00

Who's the most temperamental doctor in the world?

Harold Shipman - because he was always 'losing his patients'

I didnt get that here

Road to Scarborough

2004-08-24T07:38:00.000-07:00

Read all about the fascinating 20 year court battle between Alan Bennett and David Byrne over who has the right to call themselves "Mr Talking Heads" - of particular amusement is when they both took their roadshows to adjacent Las Vegas casinos and the battle of the billboards escalated into all-out death.

It's at the Bangalore Bosun, you fuck

Got Dob?

2004-08-24T06:38:00.000-07:00

Hey pal,

Long time...I've just found this really great site on the net where you can extend the size of your viagra, get your penis reduced and meet great septic tanks who love to refinance. Take a look, it's really awesome

A friend

rsvp

2004-08-23T11:33:00.000-07:00

Cardinal Ziggurat of the Diocese of New Rome entreats you to join him at the quinquennial bumming of the Bastard

While you're thinking about it, go take better Communion at The Bangalore Bosun of all places

romancing the war of the momma from the taxi

2004-08-23T11:15:00.000-07:00

Who do you think you are anyway?

Tony DeVito?

Find out just who you do think you are at the Bangalore Bosun, anyway

Poo ca change, Poo scent la meme chose

2004-08-23T08:50:00.000-07:00

Worried that your blog and millions like it is nothing more than a poor derivation of the successful diary "A Year in Provence" by Peter Mayles?

You should be.

Salt, Peppa n' Springderella

2004-08-22T08:03:00.000-07:00

When Summer turns to Winter, you've got to wonder 'where was Autumn when we needed it?'

I'll tell you where.

Here.

It's Sunday

2004-08-22T07:37:00.000-07:00

That's my funday
My 'I don't have to run' day

Surely this song should be banned from being played during today's Olympics. It shows gross sensitivity and could result in severe psychological damage. Those fuckers at the Bangalore Bosun aren't responsible.

Ummathurmanagammarayparkerjunior

2004-08-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

To celebrate the Olympics, the Greeks have released a new letter into their alphabet. To be placed right after Epsilon, it is called 'Feta' but so far no words or tasty dairy products have been invented to use it. Spread it on thick at the Bangalore Bosun

He's Allman

2004-08-21T17:59:00.000-07:00

Butch Trucks, was ever there more manlier a drummer than he? He's offering one lucky reader the chance for a two-week ride on his big rig. To be in with a chance of winning, send your answers to the Bangalore Bosun, The Docks, Bangalore

make a mess on her 'twin towers'

2004-08-21T17:38:00.000-07:00

Oh i almost forgot to add that you can also get information on the rules and regulations of sticking a finger right up into your bum and what effect, if any, september the 11th has had on it.

Once again, that's to be found at the Bangalore Bosun, where globalisation meets masturbation but they don't shake hands.

Off my titles

2004-08-21T17:34:00.000-07:00

I found the guidelines on good wanking practices over at the Bangalore Bosun - a must for anyone involved with wanking on a public, commercial or industrial scale

hands up who wants what

2004-08-21T03:21:00.000-07:00

'Handless' Hans Hanson of Hunan invites you to touch him on the willy at this secret location

heed my word

2004-08-19T14:38:00.000-07:00

Ever start a blog post with absolutely no idea what to say? Yeah, i know mate, yeah, me too mate, yeah, cheers mate. Now shut up.

i've got one word of advice for you:

ALWAYS FIND INSPIRATION AT THE BANGALORE BOSUN, ATTORNEY-AT-LAW

Plainly on the Main

2004-08-19T02:44:00.000-07:00

Ever been to Spain?

It's lovely isn't it?

And I should know because I found this out over at the Bangalore Bosun, where the entire Iberian Peninsula is guest-blogging all this week

tuna-flavoured Tunes - why not?

2004-08-19T01:42:00.000-07:00

Remember that bloke with the cold who wanted 'a first class ticket to Dottingham?'

Wasn't he hilarious?! Wouldn't you love to know what happened to him? It's an amazing story, they say

The Bangalore Bosun doesn't have it

cast your bait to the wind

2004-08-19T00:58:00.000-07:00

What's your favourite film? Titanic? Alphaville? The Bicycle Thief? Star Wars? American Cocksucking Championship 6? Why not pop along to the Bangalore Bosun where they're holding an open casting for all your favourite films - just register, pay a hundred pounds and wait for the phone call.

sweet georgia brown on my mind

2004-08-18T13:20:00.000-07:00

a little known fact is that if you send a letter to Georgia, USA it can easily end up in the central posting office in Tblisi, Georgia. Yet if you were to send the same letter from Tblisi, Georgia to Georgia, USA, it gets immediately diverted to this defunct post office in the naval district of Bangalore.

Do you know the way to Bangalore?

2004-08-18T13:14:00.000-07:00

I'm lost you see. I got as far as Rawalpindi but now i'm lost. Hey, take your hands off that. That's my wife's. No, you can't lick them. Stop it. Go away.

Thank you, officer

black eye or brown, sir?

2004-08-18T13:11:00.000-07:00

Wasn't it the Bangalore Bosun who, when just 13 years old, first said to his father during an altercation

"Suck my cock"

to his DAD?!

Yes.

Yes it was

you dirty pdf file

2004-08-18T13:06:00.000-07:00

Hey Kids!

Look at the tits on this!

Know you're right

2004-08-17T07:25:00.000-07:00

The Clash were a good band weren't they?

Bangalore Bosun

Like a Whoreicane

2004-08-17T06:56:00.000-07:00

Been out fucking again have you? If I find out you've been fucking any more of my family I'll have you clipped, you understand? Now take your fucksheet over to The Bangalore Bosun to get it stamped, scored and verified you shexshy bitscsh, you

The Meek shall inherit the earthworms

2004-08-17T02:57:00.000-07:00

For the rest of us nasty bastards, find out what exactly is coming to you via doomsday blogger, The Bangalore Bosun, the accurate predictor of all things future.

I've got a nice minicab firm in North London and a big cream cake coming to me

The Manhattan Transfer Project

2004-08-17T01:11:00.000-07:00

Go nuclear in four-part jazz harmony and skibedeboo on down to the Bangalore Bosun where hot jazz and cold coffee always comes free

i'll have a bag of pickled fancies...

2004-08-16T14:16:00.000-07:00

and a lifetime's supply of pig guts. Lucky dip going on, guess where, at all things to all men The Bangalore Bosun

West Side!

2004-08-14T09:49:00.000-07:00

Register your disgust with American Gangsta Rap's growing pernicious influence on West African music at the Bangalore Bosun, petitioneer to the stars

Playing with your Gogglies?

2004-08-13T18:32:00.000-07:00

Looking for naked pictures of famous strumpets? Aguilera? Spears? Keller? Then look no further than the Bangalore Bosun, where all human life is contained and revealed in exquisite detail. No nudey pics of top pop bitches, though. What's the matter with you anyway? Can't you just fuck them? If it's that important to you to see, oh i don't know, Jordan for example, or maybe Syria, with their tits out then why don't you go round and fuck them instead of staying at home wanking about them? That's what I'd do.

Me neither

2004-08-13T10:59:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder just which athletes are on drugs at the Olympics in Athens? For the complete list see Bangalore Bosun, at the IOC Headquarters, behind the bike sheds

The war on Terra starts here

2004-08-13T07:20:00.000-07:00

Ever wondered what it's like to live on Earth? Find out at the Bangalore Bosun

Life is like a jowl of Barrys

2004-08-13T06:05:00.000-07:00

So help me god i'll do you in
if you dont let me do a sin
so open up they fleshy 'tocks
and let me stick in 20 cocks

for further instructions please see the latest post of far instructions at the Bangalore Bosun, no less

You heard what i said, bitch

2004-08-12T17:21:00.000-07:00

Suck my gun

Vitriol Pursuit

2004-08-12T15:02:00.000-07:00

I blame George Lucas for the trivialisation of modern conflict. Whenever I hear on the news that Rebel Forces have captured some base or another, I think of that bearded-bastard plunderkind's childhood bore-weeviling wanking laser fantasy 'Star Wars' a few seconds before any hint of reality comes in. Help readdress the balance with a look at the true horror of war in the 21st century with that famed field-marshal of frothing fear, the Bangalore Bosun.

Even a stopped cock...

2004-08-12T13:51:00.000-07:00

Time stands still
Nothing moves
Nothing budges
Life screeches to a halt
Which can be a problem
When you're on the toilet

Happily, I found the answer at the Bangalore Bosun

Shtup me if you've heard this one before

2004-08-12T07:04:00.000-07:00

But did you ever see that programme on the television featuring an old merchant navy ship from the 18th yesteryear with a hard-edged Bosun of East Indian flavour?

Well he's back and blogging, all the time to be found at The Bangalore Bosun, Bosun House, Bangalore

Dearth of a Sailsman

2004-08-12T04:13:00.000-07:00

if nobody ever died, we'd have no need for religion; guns; murderers; coffins. That's the kind of wisdom you cant just buy at the grocery store. No, it's only found at the Bangalore Bosun on 26th Street and 5th

Bloggeration

2004-08-11T16:33:00.000-07:00

i've just seen someone commit bloggery, attempted bloggery and conspiracy to commit bloggery. his name is The Bangalore Bosun and he lives, loves and lavs bloggery..