bottom of the plops

you know you're becoming more mainstream and less sophisticated when popsongs start addressing issues in your life. it's a long slow slide from 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' to some Dido-esque simpleton dirge, via the Fast Food Rockers of course

find out which ones apply to you and yours, by filling in this simple form:

name:

age:

gender:

the amount of dick you've had, in total length end-to-end:

and posting it at the internet's premier uncaring lovesong generator

primark scream

therapy is a funny thing

....for the therapist

bangalore

blogroll reversal

what happens if you have no cake, let alone get to eat it?

you starve

what happens if you've had your cake and you don't get to eat it?

you get to watch yourself starve

what happens if you have your cake and you do get to eat it?

you want another cake

to end this cycle, please consider choosing another dessert from the sweet trolly of life. learn how to do this deceptively simple task at the Bangalore Institute for Studies

painal

Why are orgasms so painful? im so surprised there hasnt been more written on the topic. I hear the agonies my girlfriend goes through when her friends come round to play sex. These big burly men, you'd think they'd be able to withstand the pain, but no. Oh the screams and the tears the like you would not think to hear

one guy who has got his finger on the chocolate button, is the Bangalore Bosun, the finest fuckologist this side of Kinseytown, New Mexico

brake fast !

I tell you what...

that Frank Bough's a bit of alright, inn'e?

naked pictures?

yeah, we got 'em

skin?

yeah, we got 'em

the Boughcock inside another cock?

yeah, we got 'em

complain to the censor NOW

wassinnaname?

What's it like having the surname "Simile"?

He knows

warner brothers in arms

Tommy LiPuma or Lenny Waronker?

Which 1980's L.A session musician are you?

nippon clamps

Forget America, when are the Japanese having their next 'erection'?

countdown to spunk up

blowholes barred

i drive a large 4x4. it's an SUV you could say. people ask me "dave, why do you keep the bullbars on? don't you know how dangerous they are? they quite significantly increase the risk of death to kids who get struck by them, yet you live in a big city where there is no chance of needing them to rustle bulls or whatever'

let me just make this clear:

i don't hate children

'then why? then why? yes why? why why?'

because if you're driving along in your big unnecessary car and you hit a kid, you'd better make sure you kill it or you'll have witnesses. so hold onto those unnecessary bullbars.

views expressed in this column are entirely the opinion of the Bangalore Bosun and are not to be associated with Dave Dobbler, his World of Gay, or any employee thereof