old adage pension

When the cows come home to roost, don't count your blessings until they're hatched

says the wise old sage of western india's harbourfront

and a well bladdered bladder

I cant be the only one prepared to suffer the pain, distress and massive inconvenience of a spastic colon, just so i can tell my mates "Guess what I've got!?! A Spastic Colon!"

And I'm not

flies, damned flies and static tics

Did you know it's been over 400 years since birds first discovered the secret of flight? It was only their full-scale taking-to of the sky-space that allowed the Ancient Romans to build effective roadways, such was the crowdededness of the countryside with all the beasts of the field, including those winged fuckers the birds, standing really very close to eachother indeed. It came not a moment too soon.

And thank god they did because my family made their millions from hats, first invented over 399 years ago in response to the shitbombs that rained down upon our ancestors' heads for the first time since Pterodactyls became extinct. A good 60 years before.

Did I mention that Bill Oddie told me this? No? It's not because i've been court-ordered to stop peddling that lie. It's because the Bangalore Bosun told me he'd fuck me and kill me if it didn't stop.

Oh hang on, I HAVE stopped. Shit.

someone send me a fucking flamingo will you?

Special Delivery for Mr Dobbler!

Ding Dong!

I awoke to find a package left outside my door, a cardboard box with a 'Fragile' sticker on it

Imagine my joy and surprise when I opened the box to find a lovely dead puppy inside. Cute, adorable and by no means a drain on my future finances.

All courtesy of my 'beast friend' the Bangalore Bosun, via Interfauna

raiding the wank bank once more

i'm going to have a wank now

i just thought you all ought to know

since it's about you

and you

and him

saudi coupe!

you've got to hand it to Abu Hamza Al-Masri.

I mean, he's not going to be able to get it himself, is he now?

I love ice-lollies, me

visit more frustated wankers and mentalists in the forum for such godbothering nutters with less than or equal to no hands ...... on the Bangalore Bosun's new site

it sox dick

so it's the baseball world series upon us once and again, and yet for the nth time i see that the world of American baseball, in its insular wisdom, has chosen once more to exclude other planets from competiting. Two teams from Earth will, yet again, compete in the ultimate challenge. How much longer will the american gay-rounders loving inhabitants of Plujiter, Vaturn and Spars be able to stand this blatant Earthocentric racism before they come tumbling into our atmos and fuck us all to death. And how much longer until we deserve it?

The PRECISE TIMELINE of these troubling events is detailed here

weekology

it's not the first time it's been Tuesday today. It was tuesday this time last week and all reliable sources point to it being tuesday around about, in, of or thereof this time next week too. Of course, I'm lying. It's not tuesday today. tuesday was on wednesday. it's friday today. although not that friday.

but who gives a fist? The bosun's back in town and he's looking for shitting

jordan bennett, mate

that Jordan, she's a bit of alright eh? Nice tits and fanny, anyway

But Katie Price? She's a fucking dog.

The Bosun doesn't agree with me at all. He prefers Jordan before she changed her name from Transjordan. But doesn't that mean he likes bloke countries that dress up in girl countries clothes?

..

WHAT decline in educational standards?

booming bust

all quiet on the western frontbum maybe but back east there's nuclear testing going on. and the man at the head of the controls?

you guessed it

Dr Abdoujaparov

in other news, The Bangalore Bosun's an atomic one

viscous rumours

there's a guy going round saying all sorts of things about me - he doesn't know me, he doesn't like me and he needs to be stopped. i would never do such a thing myself